I’m worried about the effect that this will have on my reputation. “Richard, he’s such a scrounger,” is the first thing I’d expect people will hear. “He could have been a great scientist / novelist / keyboardist, but instead he does stupid experiments like this.” That’s the voice in my head right now. “This is just like the User Is Drunk. Charging ahead without thinking about what it looks like.”
I don’t particularly like or want to listen to those voices. For one, this isn’t like the user is drunk. I have a specific need. For two, I don’t think that people are actually that hard on me - I’m my worst critic. For three, this is - above all else - art. It’s an exploration into what is possible, into different ways of living as a human. That’s what I am here to do! Have fun, and explore different modes of living.
Also, while I’m at it, I need to find a way to get rid of some of the shackles of debt. Debt is pernicious, and being in the capitalist system is awful. I’m constantly judging myself and others by how much money I have to freely spend, and I don’t like myself when I do that. I’d rather be free of it and do things I actually want to do - write, hike, think. But I can’t do that while under the burden of the system, and student debt is the most pernicious burden I have at the moment. This is one of the ways I can get rid of that.
Why aren’t I focusing on more long term goals? I am. That’s what I do most of the time. But I personally get the most joy from small projects, and I haven’t tried this one before. So - why not? Who are you, inner critic, to tell me that that’s not right?